It's Just A Tuesday
by psychochickie
Summary: Where everyday life happens in the guild of Fairy Tail. Nothing wierd. Everyone is in perfect character and they're just enjoying their normal life. Pfft-Yeah, right. OOC, Crack cocaine, marijuana and some acids have been made into this fic. Enjoy


A/N: Hello you crazy fuckers who have actually dared to click on this story and read what twisted and dark secrets lie beneath its words. Whatever the hell that means. There's no turning back! You have now entered the mind of Psycho. Please put all personal belongings in the cubbies before entering because they will be replaced with either inappropriate items or yandere weapons.

Now with that all done. This is a Christmas present for my fucked up but lovable Beta-reader. Who is not working on this so…cross your fingers and hope that my grammar doesn't blind you!

Theme: Everything gone wrong in Fairy Tail fan fictions and some things I added for shit and giggles. Well, at least the things I've seen. Try to see if you can spot them!

-Just a Tuesday Afternoon-

"Ice bastard!"

"Shitty flame head!"

The words caused Natsu's eyes to widen in shock with hurt swirling in them as well. Usually he could handle any meaningless words that Gray would yell when tensions were high. This was different though. The tension had already been high. Not on their usual level but on one that caused this insult to weight heavier on the salamander.

The pinkette gritted his teeth as a single tear ran down his cheek. Soon it was accompanied by many others that were streaming down his face and hitting the wooden floors.

"I'm sorry I'm not as smart as Lucy or as beautiful as Juvia! Is that it? Is that why you said you hate me in that letter? Because I have a penis?" Natsu was trying and failing to hold back the distress that in his voice. It's just the whole situation was making him so emotional. More emotional than usual. Some might even say he switched genders but kept the body.

Gray was taken aback by this. He could only take a few moments of his lover crying before he embraced Natus and let him cry on his white shirt. "I never wrote a letter saying that I hate you or your penis. I love them both so much. "

He then took Natsu's hand and intertwined it with his own as he looked lovingly into his eyes and began to share his utmost deep emotions with him. Loud enough for anyone around to know, even though he was usually laid-back and didn't like showing his emotions in front of people. Ever since he turned gay, he found it more comfortable. After that long useless speech he just settled for saying Natsu's name in a gentle and loving matter.

Natsu sniffled as he looked up in Gray's enchanting eyes. "Oh Gray…"

"Natsu…"

"Gray…"

"Natsu."

"GRAY-SAMA!"

Juvia's shriek disrupted their gaze and had them look at the pissed off water mage. "Juvia loves your penis more than Natsu-kun could ever!"

Gray kept his arms around Natsu as he kept a cold glare on Juvia. "I don't like vagina."

Juvia's eye widened at the horror of this statement. How could he not like that? He had many girls after him! Many girls that had gotten the Chinese water torture treatment because of this. Juvia's shock covered a smirk of all the wonderful memories.

"_You think you can just fondle Gray-sama's boxers and expect to get away with it? Juvia is the only one allowed to handle his clothing. Especially that one close enough to his most prized possession!" The water mage said in a demonic tone which made the sales clerk squirm and shout muffled protests. _

_More protests were drowned when she was hung upside down in a water locke. _

"Juvia will prove the true meaning of Juvia's love! " She said before feeling a certain celestial spirit presence. She whipped around and saw the beautiful glimmering face. "Juvia loves Loke-sama now and will have his babies!"

She jumped on him and disappeared into the spirit world like magic.

The two boy's blinked before shrugging it off and going back to repeating each other's names in a memorized tone.

Lisanna then came in with her usual bitchy attitude ruining everyone's mood with just her horrible aura. She then grabbed Natsu's scarf, ripped him away from Gray, and kissed him hard on the lips.

"I have been waiting two years of being dead and how many ever fucking months to finally be shipped with you and you're still shipped with Lucy and even fucking Gray, more than me!? Hell no!" The white haired girl then possessed Gray's stripping habit for a second, as she was in her undergarments and doing a sexy pose on the table.

"Please remove Lucy from your team and I'll be all yours. I'll even let you be with Gray as well." She said in an alluring voice. It hypnotized the boy as he now had a nose bleed with his arms out.

"I will remove Lucy from my team. The only thing she is good for is showing her boobs but yours are way better and you don't depend on people to fight for you. You are my queen!" He said now in a bowing down position.

A weak calling of his name made Natsu's direction turn towards the teary-eyed blonde.

"I-Is that how you truly feel about me?" Lucy asked with a loose fist on her chest as if she was trying to protect her heart from any more damage. Before Natsu could respond a dark chuckle erupted from the celestial mage.

"I knew this would happen. That you would tire of me." She said reaching into her brown bag. "That's why I always kept this." She took out a gun and aimed it at Natsu's head. "You think you can just betray me like that? I accepted you going gay for Gray but you will not replace me with Li-"

Her sentence was interrupted with Levy's foot coming in contact with her face. Lucy fell on the ground with Levy on top, not taking her foot off the girl's head. "Lucy! This is a guild mage! If you want to kill Natsu, you have to do it like a mage would. You are my friend so I won't kick your ass time, I promise." The usually calm and peaceful bookworm said. The gun just made a gene snap in her mind.

Lucy thought about her friends words for a moment before throwing the bluenette off of her and walking out of the guild silently.

Lisanna had her arms over her chest as she laughed. "Proves that she doesn't have what it takes to be in team Natsu. Isn't that right lovebunny?" She asked the pinkette as wrapped her arms around him. This embrace was only brief as she felt herself being ripped away from her love.

Gray wrapped his arms around the salamander and glare deeply at the girl. "He's mine, bitch." He hissed before his whole expression changed and he looked into Natsu's eyes with hurt in his own.

"How could you fall for her body? I thought you only loved me and my body. How can I ever trust you again?" He asked.

Natsu let out a gasp as tears stained his eyes. "I'm sorry Gray. I promise you're the only one for me."

Gray tilted Natsu's chin up just to make the moment that much more meaningful. "Natsu…"

"Gray…"

"Natsu…"

"GRAY-SAMA!" Juvia screeched again before panting heavily. Her whole figure was disheveled and she was covered by a sheen of sweat.

Gray let out an irritated groan. "Oh, what the fuck now? I'm trying to get laid here? Don't you know the only way we're able to do this cutesy shit is because we do each other every other hour."

Natsu nodded. "That's pretty much how it works."

Juvia blinked before feeling her stomach. "Juvia doesn't want Gray to be with anyone else but Juvia. Juvia has proven that you are the only one for her. She had just gotten pregnant for her love and will now sacrifice the baby for her love Gray-sama!"

She said pulling out a knife and raising it to stab herself in the stomach.

Gray put his hand up and Juvia stopped. "How the fuck did Loke get you so pregnant so fast and why are covered in sweat?"

Loke appeared randomly and pushed up his shades. "Because I'm the Lion Key bitch. In my hood, anything is logical."

"Sacrifice!" Juvia yelled before plunging the blade near her gut. It did not pierce her though because the other badass bluenette, Wendy came out of nowhere and grabbed Juvia's wrist and spun her around off the ground multiple times and let go, making her crash into the wall.

"WE CAN'T KILL BABIES! BABIES ARE THE ROAD TO LIFE! THE WIND BENEATH ARE-"

"Shut the fuck up Wendy! No one wants to hear your damn speeches!" Gajeel yelled from the counter. He then shook when Levy and Wendy gave him a demon glare of ultimate death.

"What did you just say?" They asked together in an unholy tone.

Gajeel bursted out crying before hiding under the table. "Nothing oh powerful ones! I am not worthy of your gaze!"

Levy gave him a thumbs up. "Good boy. For that, I won't give you your afternoon beatings today."

"Really?" Gajeel asked before hugging Levy. "Thank you my goddess!"

Levy was about to respond but the doors crashing open interrupted her.

"LUCY IS BACK MOTHER FUCKERS!" The blonde yelled now in gothic/punk clothing to make her sexy and intimidating even though that is now how she normally is. Well a broken heart can turn a woman into a satanic bitch if Skip Beat has anything to say about it.

"I'm a dragon slayer now and I will kill Lisanna and Natsu and take Gray back as my sex slave because Loke has already been paired up with Juvia!"

"JUVIA STILL LOVES GRAY-SAMA!"

"Shut is Juvia!" Lucy yelled before taking out her celestial key. "Now experience the wrath of a true dragon slayer! After all my twenty minutes of training, the day has finally come!" She said. "Celestial Dragon fist of the water gate!" She yelled before Aqaruis came out, without needing water this time because Lucy is fucking badass now and badasses don't need weaknesses.

Aqarius turned into a stiff bat like thing while Lucy held onto her tail. She then smacked Lisanna with the fish-like mermaid thing and sent her flying through the wall.

"Ha bitch! Now you will hear my roar!" Lucy said before sucking in a breath. The blue haired mermaid was then swallowed by the girl before all of the other key's came out and went inside of her. Loke was really pleased with being inside of the blonde. It was a happy day for him.

This is when Natsu pressed Lucy's lips together and was like, "Girl, you are not a real slayer. Real slayers go hard!" He used his roar and killed Lucy.

Everyone celebrated the glorious day that the blonde bitch finally died because when she wasn't being a useless slut, she was being a mean biker chick bitch.

Erza came in a few moments later, after the celebration, with a collar around her neck. The leash was being held by no other than Jellal.

"Jellal-sama! Can I please sit with my friends? The guys are gay and the girls are straight so there's no way I could possibly cheat on you, not like I would because I am so loyal to you." Erza said being her usual co-dependent self.

Jellal nodded at the girl and they went over to their friends.

Erza was told of the news that Lucy died. "Hm? Really? Great, I was tired of being paired up with that bitch. Jellal-sama is my true love."

Natsu nodded before looking around. "Well, how are we supposed to end this?"

Gray shrugged. "Let's bullshit it. COME ON BOYS! GET IN HERE!"

Erza raised an eyebrow. "Who are you talking too."

Just then five million bombs dropped from the sky and killed everyone in Fiore because they were too promiscuous, bitchy and over-powered.

THE END.

A/N: Best thing I ever wrote! Could you see the flaws? Really? BECAUSE THERE AREN'T ANY! IT'S FUCKENG PERFECT AND URE JUST JELLY OF MEH WRITING! Merry Christmas everyone!


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